Well La De Freaking Da
by The Spork Warrior
Summary: Duo visits Point Pleasant, NJ with Relena, where he meets her cousin. [ONESHOT, 121, initial nonlasting 26, possible fluff. Title changed by polite request.]


Title: Well La-De-Fucking-Da (For lack of a better title.)  
Author: Heeroduo1x2x1  
Pairings: 1+2+1, (starts off with a little 2+6, but that goes nowhere.)  
Warnings: OOCness from Relena (I made her kinda… interesting, to say the least.), colourful language, stupidity, fuckedupedness, Duo POV  
Genre: Humour, Romance, Teenageness  
Rating: PG-13 (T)  
Disclaimer: What is the point of a disclaimer? I mean, we all know I don't own GW, right? Right.  
Babble: I was really, really, REALLY fucking bored one day long ago. And this is what happened. Everyone, other than Relena, Heero and Duo play minor roles, and Trowa and Quatre don't even make an appearance. Oops. I honestly didn't mean for that to happen, but it did. Anyway, enjoy! P.S. No Relena bashing this fic:gasp: That's what, two fics I've written that have her in it that don't have any form of bashing!

* * *

Wufei is officially hated by half the student body.

His "stick-up-the-ass" and know-it-all personality really pissed off some chicks I know. Great. So now they complain about him to me. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It's even worse because Wufei is one of my best friends. He's funny as hell and loves Gravitation just as much as I do. So I'm pretty good at ignoring the fact he's a know it all. As a matter of fact, I love the fact that the fucker's a smartass. You can argue with him and he'll still help you with homework. It pisses me off how people can be mad at someone for being intelligent.

But it's not the fact that Fei-bear is hated that really pisses me off. It's the fact that my number 1 best buddy in the whole fucking universe doesn't like him either – and then pretends he does. Zechs Marquise is the biggest fucking hypocrite on Earth. So, why can't I hate the bastard? Because he's hot, sarcastic, and drop dead gorgeous. And I don't mean that shitty fake gorgeous. This guy doesn't have to try to look good, he could come to school wearing a fucking garbage bag and still be flawless. He's also extremely sought after. He's got girls (and 1 guy) lined up down the mother fucking block for him, and he flirts with everything. Oh, well, I can't change his mind. He's more stubborn than Wufei.

In case you hadn't guessed, I was that one guy out of tons of girls. I'm the outcast, the guy who has a small circle of friends, who tries to be in the spotlight, but not so much I'm actually noticed. Zechs is the guy who just kinda stays in the spot light and doesn't give a shit who looks at him. I stare at him a lot in my English and U.S. History classes. He doesn't notice. He's oblivious to everything. Dumbass. Ugh, I'm starting to want to kill him again (while at the same time I just want to make out with him. Does that make me a bad person?)

"Duo!"

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my favourite girl in the whole universe jumped onto my back with a giggle. "Yo, 'Lena. 'Sup?"

"What did Fei do to piss Elle and Hilde off?" She questioned, her long dirty blonde hair catching the light and blinding me.

"Like fuck I know. He prolly corrected something they said. You know how he is." I sighed, whacking Relena over the back of her head with my braid. (By this time she had gotten off my back and was walking next to me.)

She laughed, "You're probably right. Shit, I was going to ask you something… Oh, yeah, what are you doing next week?"

"It's Spring Break, 'Lena. I'll be sitting on my ass playing video games. What else would I be doing?"

"Oh, I don't know… Going with me to Pt. Pleasant so we can pick up guys?" She raised her eyebrows suggestively. I hated it when she did that, because it made me want to do whatever it was she was suggesting. Heh, I loved Relena. She's such a manipulative little bitch.

"I don't know, Relena. I have my quest, yanno? I don't think I should be trying to pick up guys when I'm trying to seduce your brother." I smirked and she shoved me.

"Come on, Duo! Don't be a prick! Elle went with me last time, and I really want you to come along this time! I promise you'll have a great time!" She pouted. Dammit. I hated it when she pouted.

I swatted at her, "Fine, fine! I was gonna say yes anyway."

"Great! We'll pick you up around five!" She waved and rushed towards her locker.

I hoped to god she didn't mean she was gonna pick me up in that horrible pink limo her parents insisted on buying her.

XxXxXxXxXxX

"I should have packed more clothes." I muttered as I saw the size of Relena's duffle bag. It was as big as a fucking drum set, and appeared to be about the same weight. I watched in awe as she easily shoved it in the back of the Jeep (not the pink monstrosity! Yay!) we were driving, and when I put my own duffel and guitar in, she nodded her head in agreement to my statement.

"You definitely should have." She said, tapping her chin with a finger. I stuck my tongue out at her. "I mean, we're gonna be there for a week. We need to look good."

"Bite me." I hissed.

So she did.

By the time we got to Relena's father's house, it was pouring down rain and I wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep. Getting out of the car consisted of me complaining like there was no tomorrow and Relena threatening to sic her creepy Point friend Dorothy on me. That chick was creepy as hell. I get shivers just thinking about her and her eyebrows. Right.

"Suck it up, Duo! Be a man!" Relena exclaimed, trying to drag me out of the Jeep. She definitely wasn't succeeding, since, you know, I'm heavier than she is and she was never very strong. However, that seemed to change very quickly as I was yanked out of the parked vehicle BY MY MOTHERFUCKING HAIR! You know who much that fucking HURTS!

"Relena! Why'd you do that, you bitch?" I tried to reclaim my balance (and dignity) but as I turned to face my hair-pulling friend, it turned out it wasn't Relena. I had no idea who he was, but he definitely WASN'T 'Lena, and unless she had gotten a sex change in the last ten seconds, dyed her hair chocolate brown, grew about 5 inches, chopped said hair off, and suddenly became Asian, this guy was someone I'd never met before. Besides, Relena was standing next to him and gushing like a happy schoolgirl.

"I didn't do it, Duo! Heero did." She had this devilish look on her face, like she knew something I didn't. And considering the fact that she knew who this guy was, that was definitely true. It was a moment to be afraid. Very afraid.

Now, before when I mentioned that Zechs was the sexiest man alive, I hadn't met this guy yet. One word came to mind while I was staring at him: Adonis. He pretty much made Zechs look like nothing spectacular. However, while I was thinking that, I was also plotting ways to make his life miserable. He had pulled my hair, after all, and no one gets away with that.

"Who the hell are you?" I snapped, clutching my poor abused hair to my chest while I stared at Relena's friend.

He just smirked at me. I scowled.

"This is my cousin Heero!" Relena exclaimed, patting said cousin on the back.

"Figures. Only someone in the Peacecraft gene-pool would have the balls to pull my hair." I muttered, listening as Relena laughed. I was also plotting her death, by the way. And it would be slow and oh-so-very painful.

"So you're Duo?" Heero said and I continued to stare at him. His voice was deep and sent this weird tingly feeling up my spine. It kind of made me want to melt. "Relena talks endlessly about you."

Still muttering, I replied, "Yeah, I'm Duo. I run, I hide, but I never lie. Me in a nutshell, that is."

I suddenly noticed how close he'd gotten in the past few seconds, and barely registered it when he slowly grasped my braid and examined it, "I apologize for pulling your hair. Relena put me up to it."

I flushed. He had a nice, musky scent, and I took a hesitant step back, "Hey, it's okay. N-no harm done, right?"

A small smile graced his face before he released my hair and turned back to his cousin. I was so focused on how his scent still hung around me that I barely registered when he waved goodbye to Relena and gave me another small smile.

"You like him." Relena mused later that night when we were in her room watching "Mulan."

"What are you talking about, 'Lena?" I shot her a funny look and she snickered.

"You like Heero."

"Says who!"

"You do!"

"I never said anything like that!"

The bitch looked smug, "You didn't have to. Your face did when he was molesting your hair."

"M-molesting!" I exclaimed, blinking repeatedly. "He wasn't molesting my hair! He just held it a little!"

… right? The idea that he'd been molesting my hair was kind of bordering on "disturbing" and "damn sexy." Okay, so it was definitely in the realm of "damn sexy."

"Whatever. He was still all over you and you were red as a freaking tomato." Relena looked devious.

"He didn't notice, did he?" I asked, my voice quiet.

"He's a complete social misfit. I'm surprised he even knows how to smile, let alone apologize. That was the most life I've seen outta him in years!" She sighed, shaking her head and focusing once again on the animated movie before us. I tried to, but my mind was stuck on that.

Shit. I thought I liked Zechs, but in came this guy and he affected me sooner and stronger than Zechs ever did. It made me kind of nervous and I lost interest in the movie pretty quickly after that. "I'm goin' to sleep."

"Already? It's only midnight!" Relena gave me the pouty look. I ignored it.

"I'm kinda tired. I'll see you in the morning." As I said this, I shoved myself under the covers of the bed we sat on and buried my head in the pillow, willing myself to fall asleep. 'Lena decided to make sure it was difficult.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of Relena snoring and her father shuffling around in the kitchen. I blinked a few times, glancing over at my friend as she rolled herself up even further in the blanket. Always the cover hog, that one. I sighed and got to my feet, my sweatpants falling back into place around my ankles as I padded to the door and out into the hallway. The kitchen island was covered in junk, and to my happiness, there were bagels and donuts laying on the counter, practically screaming "Eat me!"

"Heya, Mr. P!" I said happily, waving enthusiastically at 'Lena's dad.

"'Morning, kiddo. There's food." He barely looked up from the bagel he was munching on and I grinned.

"Right on!" Snatching a bagel, I pulled myself up onto a barstool and devoured the wonderful creation. "Yum, everything bagels rock!"

Mr. P laughed. I grinned again, and jumped when I heard the front door open behind me. Craning my neck to get a look at who was coming in, I almost fell off my stool when I saw that it was Heero. Turning back around quickly, I snatched another bagel and began slowly gnawing on it in hopes of not having to speak or look at him.

My plans were thwarted when he sat down on the stool next to mine, and he manoeuvred himself so that he was looking directly at my face, "Good morning, Duo."

I eeped, jerking backwards with wide eyes, "Uh, g'morning?"

He smirked, facing forward on his stool and grabbing a bagel himself. I noted that it was an everything bagel and found myself enthralled as he took a bite out of it. Bad Duo! Bad, bad, bad Duo! Thinking bad thoughts about your best friend's cousin while he eats a bagel is not conducive to great conversations! Only problem with that train of thought was the fact that I couldn't help but stare at him and my thoughts really weren't that bad. I mean, wanting to lick the crumb of onion on his cheek off wasn't that bad, right?

"What are you and Relena doing today?" Heero asked, not even looking at me.

I blinked, glancing down at my bagel in an attempt to remember what 'Lena had said. "'Lena said something about going down to the boardwalk."

"Oh." I saw him take a thoughtful bite out of his bagel, "Would you mind if I joined the two of you?"

"O-of course not!" I grinned at him, ignoring the fluttering feeling in my chest, "S'long as you don't pull my hair again!"

He chuckled under his breath and I noticed Mr. P's head snap up and his eyes grow wide. He looked really surprised, to say the least. "I'll keep that in mind."

Shaking his head, Mr. P stood from his stool and grabbed his keys, "I'm going into town to get some coffee. Either of you want something while I'm out?"

I thought for a moment and said, "Mocha Valencia," only to be chorused by Heero at the same moment. I blinked and glanced at him. Mr. P stared us.

"Uh, Relena will probably want a French Vanilla cappuccino when she gets up, sir." I blinked dazedly, and Mr. P just nodded soundlessly and went out the front door.

Once the door was closed, Heero laughed. Not a chuckle like before, but a soft laugh that was really, really, nice on the ears. I liked that sound. "You have good taste in coffee."

I grinned again, staring at him, "You too."

I was lost in his eyes. How often does a Japanese guy have blue eyes, and not just blue, but dark, deep blue? I didn't know, but Heero definitely had dark blue eyes and they were amazing. Even more amazing was the fact that he seemed just as lost in my eyes as I was in his. We probably would've kept staring if it hadn't been for the fact that Relena was making her way from the room. I blinked and looked away from Heero, turning back around and snatching two donuts from the box. I noticed he did the exact same thing.

"Hey you two!" She sang happily, plopping onto the stool her father had just vacated. She spotted the bagels and looked like she wanted to cheer, "Yes! Egg bagels!"

Heero snorted at the same time I let out a loud laugh, and his arm brushed against my thigh ever so slightly. I felt myself flush at the unexpected contact, but I tried not to show it too much.

Never one to put anything else before food, I ate my donuts and stood up. "I'm gonna go and get dressed."

"Don't get lost!" Relena giggled and I rolled my eyes as I hurried towards our room to grab some normal clothes. I only looked back at Heero once.

XxXxXxXxXxX

I love Point Pleasant. Really. The boardwalk was one of my favourite things and it just kind of always worked to relax me. Especially when I felt like a third wheel. It was our seventh and last day in Pt. Pleasant, and Heero had offered to go and get snacks, so Relena and her part-time boyfriend were sitting on a bench a few feet away, all lovey-dovey, and I was sitting on the wooden guardrail that keeps people from falling onto the dunes, trying to ignore them as they made out while I smoked one of said boy-toy's cigarettes. I was only a third wheel for a few minutes, but it still sucked. They felt bad, of course, and stopped necking long enough to apologize and ask me why I hadn't gone with Heero to get the yummy goodness called boardwalk food.

I told them it was because watching them make out was a way for me to realize that I was hopelessly single and would probably remain that way for the rest of my life. Plus, voyeurism is fun. That earned me a weird look and a cackle before Heero popped up and distriputed the snacks. Ah, how I love food.

"Thanks!" I was jubilant when Heero returned and I did all sorts of jumpy happy stuff that made him smirk, Relena snort, and the minimum wage boyfriend (I think his name was Todd or something like that.) stared at me and said something about not letting me have anymore alcohol.

"You shouldn't smoke. It's bad for you." Heero replied to my happiness, making me blink and look at the cigarette clutched between my fingertips. I didn't smoke that often, and only when I had the option and had a free source (which was so rare that I didn't consider myself a smoker.)

"Dude," I took a bite out of my corndog and snuffed the cigarette on the guardrail, "This is the first time I've had a smoke in almost 5 months. I'm not really too concerned for my health, ya know?" Relena and Todd (Yeah, that was his name. I remember I mentioned something about a crazy bald teacher named Mr. Todd when I first met him.) were back to necking and obviously weren't listening to our conversation, or else Relena would've made some kind of evil comment about sucking or something that would have gotten her smacked.

Heero leaned on the railling beside me, staring at me. Ahh, his eyes were gorgeous. Compared to Zechs, there WASN'T a comparison. Heero was so much more 'real' than Relena's self-absorbed brother, and I wondered vaguely how the 3 of them could all be related. "Doesn't change the fact that it's unhealthy."

"Thanks for the concern."

"Anytime." He smirked, snatching a cheese fry from the cheap paper bowl-plate thing that served as a place to hold the oozy goodness and the corndog.

"Hey! That's my fry you're snarfing!"

"And it's a very good fry, I must say." He snatched another, and I playfully tried to keep them away. I definitely liked him better than Zechs. No doubts about it. It was really strange because I'd only known him for about a week. That didn't bother me, though, and I smushed that little part of my mind that was saying that I didn't know him well enough to like him more than someone I've known since the 5th grade. It was obvious that part of my mind had never heard of 'love-at-first-sight.'

I hopped off the railing, careful not to spill any of the cheesy goodness as I did so. Looking back at Heero, I asked with a smile, "Hey, yo, wanna walk with me?"

"Sure." He gave me a little half smile, pushing off from the rail and pacing towards me.

Grinning widely, I hollered at Relena, "Yo! Love-birds! We're taking a walk! C'ya!"

They just waved their arms at us and continued making out.

We were a good way down the boardwalk before I said anything else. It was darker there than at the other areas nearby, but it really didn't bother us. The lightpost about 15 feet away flickered a little, but didn't go out.

"So," I said, watching Heero's darkened profile with a grin on my face.

"So." He echoed, running a hand through his hair. Yikes. He's gorgeous.

"Let's head down t--" my mind went blank right about then, considering the fact that Heero had grabbed me and planted his lips on mine. Okaay, that was completely and totally unexpected but not unwelcome. Hell, I had been secretly wishing he'd kiss me all day, and I was definitely kissing him back with about as much gusto as I muster. And trust me, I can muster a lot. I couldn't decide what I liked better about his kisses, if it was the fact that his lips were fucking amazing or if it was the warmth that radiated from him. In fact, I couldn't focus enough to decide, and I really didn't think it mattered mcuh.

He pulled away first and slowly, as if he didn't want to come up for breath, because I knew I definitely didn't. His face remained really, really close and we were practically breathing in each other's breath. "Mm."

"What was that for?" I whispered. I couldn't bring myself to talk any louder than that.

"I've wanted to do that all week."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hm." He closed his eyes, a little, itsy-bitsy smile pulling at his lips.

I laughed a little, "Me too."

He opened those amazing cobalt eyes and let his tiny smile widen a small bit, "Any chance of you coming with Relena more often?"

"For you, definitely." I said, grinning again.

He leaned in again, and just as our lips touched, there was a loud, exaggerated sigh from a few feet away. We both jumped at the sound, whipping around to see Relena and 'the Todd' watching us in exasperation.

"Get a room, you two!" Relena rolled her eyes as I started laughing, leaning on Heero for support. I clearly heard him chuckle and before I could make a witty retort at my best friend, I was silenced once again by Heero's talented lips.

I smiled into that kiss and couldn't wait for the next time I went with Relena to Pt. Pleasant.

A/N: Ahh, an AU one-shot-kind-of-get-together fic. The joys. :heart: I hope there was enjoyment in reading this. I should probably be working on Wise Blood... as usual... but I'm not. I wrote this instead. Sound track for this fic, by the way, is Papa Roach's lovehatetragedy and part of it was written to random Gackt and L'arc-en-Ciel music. So any weirdness can be blamed on the weird combo of music that was being listened to. To Shanasheart: I made you Relena! Muwhahahaha! (I'm completely aware that you n' Todd are no more. I just couldn't think of any decent names for the part-time boyfriend.) Oh, and sorry if this isn't as... good? as some of my other fics. I started writing it long, long ago (I was a freshmen, I think. Now I is a Junior! Yay!) and just recently finished it. So... yeah.


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